Dear candidates,
Just like yesterday, I am cleaning, and watching my mailbox fill and re-fill with partisan mooching. Yes, in some – perhaps most cases I mostly approve of your organization, cause, or candidate, but the EOM deluge of increasingly anxious and obnoxious appeals is making me cranky!
I get that you want money, but I'd score a automated response if made an inquiry, so don't presume to address me by my first name. And please, pack up your little emoticons. One is a flag, two or more is, well, pathetic — like the ALL-CAP subject lines and multiple exclamation marks!!! Please, please, for nirvana-sakes, stop it.
I am not done.
It's a real turnoff when you assert a gift is overdue or pending. If I didn't pledge, I don't owe you anything. If I make a donation, just tell your robot say thanks, okay?
I don't want to be a charter member, founding member, or any member of your club. I'm not your constituent. I'm not one of your high profile donors.
Finally, I think you know I'm filtering your bumptious mail. Right? I unsubscribe candidates who think more than one a day is just okay.
Want capture my attention? Send information or news snippets sans spin. I'm prey for clever copy. I feel piqued by engineered manipulation, but I'm impressed by professional appeals. Send a short story about why you deserve to win or work your issue. Maybe I'll let your email land in the inbox one more month. I might even donate, but that's not a promise.
So glad we had this little talk.